'Tis the season for giving and receiving...
MOVING WITH THE FLOW OF GIVING AND RECEIVING
“We should give as we would receive, cheerfully, quickly, and without hesitation; for there is no grace in the benefit that sticks to the fingers.”
Seneca the Younger
With the advent of this holiday season I would like for you take a moment to consider giving and receiving. To give and receive in fair balance supports a positive feeling of wellbeing and equanimity towards others. This energy of giving and receiving happens to us every single moment of our lives. From the life sustaining gift we receive in the oxygen we breathe to the love we send out in the smallest gestures of kindness. We are perpetually surrounded by this life sustaining flow of energy and supporting or prohibiting its flow.
When creating a mindful life, it is important that we consider the motivations behind our giving and receiving habits. There are many hidden reasons why we give and receive and without conscious consideration the will negatively influence our experience of this energy. Often these habits are ones from our past and family of origin, habits that are enshrouded in unconscious beliefs about how to get our needs met. So it is important to explore own personal style of giving and receiving.
Unfortunately, many of us have a convoluted relationship with this energy. We feel guilty when someone has bought a gift if we do not have one to give in return and we feel frustrated or energetically drained when we are running around trying to find the perfect gift for everyone on our list. These negative patterns of thought lead to disappointment, unfulfilled expectations, guilt, sadness and other negative emotions, which consequently produce a negative experience for the giver and the receiver.
Two negative patterns that I commonly see are as follows:
The first situation is when a person is running around, expending their valuable time and money buying gifts for everyone they feel they are supposed to buy gifts for. From the people at work, to neighbors, to family members, these people are expending an enormous amount of energy trying to be good, or right, and the cost is feeling exhausted, guilty, and unappreciated. In extreme examples, they feel resentment for not being able to relax and enjoy the holiday.
The second example is the devastating destruction our expectations have on receiving. Some people complain about how the gifts they received were all wrong, expecting the giver to have intuitively known what to say or do. These expectations placed on other people inherently destroy the energy of giving. The negativity infused in judgement prevents us from seeing the love and thought inherent in each gift.
In the end there are no wrong gifts. The problem arises in the misalignment of energy behind the gift giving and receiving exchange. This holiday season, I would ask you to consider what energy you are exuding in your behaviors of giving and receiving. Ask yourself the following questions to get more insight into your patterns.
Why do you give and how do you receive?
-Do you give because you feel it is expected? Does giving feel good to you? Have you ever felt guilty choosing not to give a gift?
-Do you feel comfortable receiving gifts?
-Do you feel obligated to do something when you receive a gift?
When do you give and receive?
-Do you give on special occasions? Do you ever do it spontaneously? -Do you give out of obligation, or inspiration? How do either of these reasons feel to you?
What do you give and receive?
-Do you generally feel that you are frugal in your gift giving? Generous? -Are you selective about who you give to? Especially with charity gifts?
-Are there only specific people from which you will allow yourself to receive?
I believe it all boils down to two questions, Does this feel good and positive and make my heart smile? Or does it feel bad and draining and make my heart frown? I have tried to live by the mantra of only giving when it makes my heart sing. It is challenging at times when I feel like I should write a thank you note when I don’t want to or give of my time when I feel I don’t have it because I believe it is the right thing to do. When I catch myself during these times, I just try to take a deep breath and surround myself with self compassion and note next time I will try to be more authentic in my giving and receiving habits.
I believe the beauty of this holiday season is to allow our hearts to open to whatever type of giving and receiving makes us feel good. I challenge you to step outside of your comfort zone and explore different ways to give and receive. If you feel you are spending more money than you have this holiday season, try giving coupons instead for quality time together or babysitting. If you have a hard time receiving, try imagining each gift you receive as a breath of fresh air infused with love. Perhaps you can even start a conversation about giving and receiving with your friends and family, you may be surprised at what people have to say and how they feel.
Below, I have included a mantra adapted from one created by Deepak Chopra to cultivate a better relationship with the Law of Giving and Receiving. Try it out and see how it changes your relationship with this life sustaining energy.
Happy holidays to you and yours…I wish you a heart full of warm loving feelings this holiday season.
Be well, Lara
Lara Kain, PA-C, MPAS
TORCH Center for Wellness
MANTRA FOR GIVING AND RECEIVING
Repeat this to yourself every morning or evening to help create a more positive relationship with the energy of giving and receiving.
The universe operates through dynamic exchange . . . giving and receiving are different aspects of the same flow of energy. I keep this flow of energy alive and well in my body and mind by giving and receiving freely and in doing so I keep the energy of abundance alive in my life and the lives of those around me. Today I will give freely to those I encounter through a kind word, a hug, a flower or a prayer. In doing so I support the circulation of joy, love, wealth and affluence in my life and the lives of others. Today I will also gratefully receive all the gifts offered to me. From the air I breathe, to the sunlight and the rain, as well as the gifts offered to me by others, whether it be in the form of a material gift, a compliment, a hug or a prayer. I acknowledge that this commitment to keep abundance circulating in my life is supporting life’s most precious gifts; those of caring, affection, appreciation and love.