The gift of the mothering energy in your life
“A mother’s love liberates.”
-Maya Angelou
MOTHERING, AWAKENED
The month of May is a time of reawakening. After a long winter dormancy, the plants and the trees are springing forth, blanketing the earth with flowers and fresh greenery. The birds are chirping and in a frenzy to create nests to begin mothering coming families and the insect world is emerging from its winter hibernation, pollinating and preparing for their active season. I love this time of year, full of life energy bursting forth to prepare for birth and regeneration.
It is no wonder that May was chosen as the time we celebrate our mothers; the beginning point of all life here on earth. Mother’s Day is a celebration honoring the mother of the family, as well as motherhood, maternal bonds, and the influence of mothers in society.
THE MANY FACES OF MOTHERHOOD
I once heard Iyanla Vanzant, the inspirational speaker and spiritual teacher, correct a participant on her talk show. The woman was telling a painful story of abuse and began to speak poorly of her mother. At this point, Iyanla stopped her from continuing her tirade. She explained that we are always free to tell our story and how the behavior of others affected us, but we should never disrespect our mothers because they gave us life. If they had not been willing to donate their bodies to our growing forms for 9 months, we would not have this gift called life. And for that, we must be grateful. And so as May brings with it the return of life, I wanted to take some time to consider the many meanings of the word ‘mother’.
The word mother in its most literal sense means a female who gives birth to or parents a baby or child. When we look deeper into the meaning, mothering expands into giving birth to, nurturing, nourishing and caring for with affection.
This makes us all mothers as we are all caring with affection for the things we love, nourishing the things we want to grow in our lives and perpetually birthing new ideas, homes, and relationships. Therefore, the idea of mother does not end with our biological mothers. It expands as far out as the energy of the earth, our greatest mother, perpetually nourishing, nurturing and providing us support as we walk through our lives, and moves internally, as our own form of self-care. Today I wanted to explore this internal idea of mothering. How do we mother ourselves?
THE CONCEPT OF SELF-MOTHERING
Mothering is a gender-free action that is imperative for us to grow into being mature adults. Mothering energy is rooted in the feminine psyche which encompasses intuition, receptivity, collaboration, nurturing, creativity and emotional intelligence. Make no mistake, feminine energy is not submissive nor weak. It is all that supports our inner life and wellbeing as well as our families, homes, and relationships.
When talking about self-mothering we are basically talking about self-care and internal balance. When we mother ourselves, we acknowledge that our inner world is our responsibility. We begin to move away from blaming or relying on outside forces to mirror back that we are safe, accepted or right. When we mother ourselves, we are actively cultivating an inner environment of safety, support, and unconditional love. This energy brings us more fully into the present moment and reconnects us to our innocence, creativity, vitality and unconditional love for ourselves and others. We realize that we inherently have worth just because we exist. When we mother ourselves, we know we are enough.
PRACTICING SELF-MOTHERING
How can we mother ourselves? This process is like moving in concentric circles, beginning with the center and starting with taking responsibility for our most basic needs; getting enough rest and exercise, drinking enough water, choosing foods that fuel our bodies and minimizing indulgences. Then, we move out into satisfying safety needs such as providing ourselves with a safe home and a consistent source of resources and money. Next, we work towards creating a supportive community network of family, neighbors, and friends. And lastly, self-mothering means taking care of our own needs of self-esteem and self-actualization, taking time for creative outlets, spirituality, and self-introspection.
Some questions to consider that might help you improve your self-mothering skills:
How do I ensure my own emotional and physical safety?
How do I nourish myself and nurture my relationships?
Where do feel safe and find emotional support?
Do I give myself permission to be creative and play?
How do I neglect myself or deny my needs?
How might I mother myself and my relationships better?
Pick out a few answers that you feel may be lacking in mothering energy, and implement a plan to start to mother yourself better. Perhaps, you may consider inviting in more kindness towards yourself by letting go of judgment or calling up a friend to clarify hurt feelings and work towards a mutual understanding.
SPREADING THE MOTHERING ENERGY
In a culture that seems to project so much alienation and violence, this May, take some time to consider how you might bring the energy of mothering into your life and the lives of others. Mothering energy asks us, how might we be more vulnerable, open and nurturing to ourselves and one another? How might we be able to bring more kindness and love into our lives and the lives of others? Mothering is all about cultivating a soft front and strong back. So we may move through our lives with an open heart and solid grounding, knowing that we inherently are enough and can handle any situation life throws us with grace, love and understanding.
Live Well,
Lara
Lara Kain, PA-C, MPAS
TORCH Center for Wellness